Saturday, February 14, 2009


Hey, here's another schweet story, about improv this time!

A few years ago, we (IA) were doing a show in Joplin, MO for a food processing plant. They make the burritos and other microwavables you purchase at a gas station.

Joplin is pretty far south in Missouri, which means the IQ's were impressively low. At one point, we had a volunteer onstage who happened to be the only black employee at the plant. Halfway through the game we were playing, some yokel in the audience shouted out "Don't turn off the lights or we won't be able to see Kenneth (or whatever his name was)". Yeah, it was that kind of audience. They also never got tired of yelling out "Get 'er done!".

The blatant racism could have been a story in itself, as unbelievable as it was, but that night, the gods in charge of weirding us out were feeling frisky.

Going into our second to last game, we needed an audience volunteer to escort one of our players, Keith, out of the room to ensure that he didn't hear the suggestions we were getting for a guessing game. The volunteer's name escapes me, but I'll refer to him as The Intimidator. The Intimidator was 6'5'', probably weighed close to 250, and was wearing a camo hat and shirt. While out in the hallway where the guests of the event could go to smoke, Keith and The Intimidator came upon an unlucky young punk in a red hat. The kid in the hat was chatting up some women in the hallway, and really working at bringing his "A" game.

The Intimidator overheard red hat asking the women if they wanted to see his penis. The Intimidator, proving chivalry is not dead, told red hat to shut the fuck up. Red hat, obviously intoxicated, decided to throw down for his would be hoes. He took his shirt off, approached The Intimidator, and asked if The Intimidator would like to see him whip his penis out. Without hesitation, The Intimidator grabbed red hat's man parts and told red hat that he had his dick now, then queried what he was going to do about it. Red hat did what most of us would do: He wasn't about to apologize to and ask forgiveness from The Intimidator, he just started throwing punches in the general direction of The Intimidator's head. The Intimidator was, of course, unfazed and proceeded to lead red hat around the hallway by his man parts, taking in stride the occasional fist that would actually connect with it's intended target. After a few laps up and down the hallway, they eventually collapsed to the ground, knocking over an ashtray and refocusing The Intimidator's rage, escalating it from leading poor red hat around by his cock and balls to brutally pummeling him for his impolite ways.

It was at that moment that I opened the door to retrieve Keith. I saw what was happening on the ground, but the show must go on. We went back to the stage, finished the game, and cut the show short. We went back to our rooms to share what had happened, and then went out on the town to see what else Joplin had to offer. The answer was not much.

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